Toxic Positivity: When Wellness Becomes Pressure

Wellness is supposed to make us feel good—right? It's green smoothies, mindfulness apps, beachy mantras, and softly lit yoga studios. It's about self-care Sundays and gratitude journals, setting boundaries, and learning to say “no.” On the surface, wellness feels like a hug from the universe. But lately, I’ve started wondering: when did feeling good become an obligation? And what happens when wellness morphs from something supportive into something… stifling?

The Smile That Masks the Struggle

I remember scrolling through Instagram during a particularly rough week—not a catastrophic one, just the regular emotional wear-and-tear that life sometimes throws at you like a sneaky curveball. I saw post after post with captions like “Positive vibes only,” “Choose happiness,” and “There’s always a silver lining.” I felt like a failure. Not because I was struggling, but because I wasn’t struggling cheerfully.

This is where the shiny surface of wellness starts to crack. The relentless push to “stay positive” can make it feel like negative emotions aren’t welcome. That if you’re not radiating gratitude and good energy at all times, you’re somehow doing wellness wrong. But feelings don’t work like that. They’re messy, unpredictable, and gloriously human.

When Affirmations Become Emotional Gaslighting

Toxic positivity, for those not familiar with the term, is that well-meaning but ultimately harmful insistence on maintaining a positive outlook no matter what. It’s the friend who replies “Just be grateful it wasn’t worse” when you open up about something painful. It’s the self-help book that says your mindset is the only thing holding you back. It’s the idea that if you’re not happy, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough.

That mindset doesn’t uplift—it erases. It tells people to override their valid pain with a forced smile. It shuts down conversations about mental health, grief, anxiety, burnout—because those things are messy, and mess doesn’t fit the aesthetic.

The Wellness Trap: Performance Over Presence

Wellness, as an industry, has exploded. And with that explosion has come a commodified version of health that often prioritizes appearance over authenticity. You’re not just expected to feel good—you have to look like you’re thriving. Share your glow-up. Post your green juice. Tell the world you’re “healing.”

But healing is not always beautiful. It can be exhausting and slow and full of relapses. It might look like canceling plans, crying in the shower, or just getting through the day. And none of that fits neatly into a pastel grid of inspirational quotes.

Real Wellness Makes Room for Real Emotions

There’s nothing wrong with optimism. Gratitude practices and mindset shifts can be incredibly powerful. But real wellness—true wellness—has to make space for the full emotional spectrum. It has to honor sadness, anger, frustration, and fear as much as joy and peace.

It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to say “I’m struggling” without immediately adding a silver lining. Feeling your feelings is not a failure of positivity—it’s an act of radical honesty. And often, it’s the first step toward healing that actually lasts.

Letting Go of the Glow

I’ve started unfollowing the accounts that preach happiness like a religion. I still believe in growth, in hope, in healing. But I also believe in the power of saying, “This is hard.” I’ve learned that the most genuine form of self-care isn’t always a bubble bath or a sunset meditation. Sometimes it’s crying on the kitchen floor and calling someone who gets it.

The goal of wellness should never be perfection—it should be wholeness. And wholeness includes the shadow as much as the light. So if you’re feeling heavy today, you’re not broken. You’re human. And that’s enough.